July 2021 vs February 2022
I admitted in the beginning that I never saw myself as “big.” Well, I will now admit that I don’t currently see myself as “small.” What I can say about how I feel is that I am happy with my progress. I look forward to seeing how much more I can change but I love my body.
It’s amazing how the process of change feels so slow when you’re working on your body (or anything for that matter) and then BAM! You radically transformed! It doesn’t feel like there were stages anymore. There most definitely were but hindsight it seems like I changed in a quick period of time. My efforts started in May so I’ve been at this for 9 months. The most substantial change was that I lost 30 lbs between October to now. I realize as I write this that my body has changed more during this period than it did throughput my pregnancy. While the changes are complete opposite, it offers a good perspective on the amount of time it takes to have a “new body.”
I have always felt relatively confident regardless of my weight. I give kudos to my mother who has always told me that I’m beautiful at any size. Sometimes people in our lives can say hurtful things related to our bodies. It’s not always intentional but sometimes it is. It’s important to realize that the negative comments that people make are more related to their insecurities and have little to do with you. If you're looking for a tactful reply I would encourage you to downplay the importance of the topic being discussed by the offender (weight, size, etc). The second option is not so polite...
The confidence that I feel is also because I’ve done a lot of work within. When I was in my early twenties I vividly remember walking into a room of people to go through a mental check list of questions. Am I prettier than her? Am I skinnier than her? Is my body better? The comparison was intense. As I got older, I would also assess material possessions like shoes, clothes and purses. I refer to this stage of life as the "look at me now" phase where I required a lot of attention and validation.
I grew more secure in my late-twenties and became more private as I entered motherhood.
After I had my son, I went through a “don’t look at me” phase where I would say I know "I’m not hot." I removed myself from situations that could evoke insecurity but knew that I was beautiful regardless of the extra weight. I was self-conscious around the new moms that were 'magically thin' but fought the urge to torture myself with negativity. Of course it made me feel low at times but I pushed to feel content with who I was during this stage.
After a few failed attempts to "get back into shape" over the past few years, I finally found the motivation last July. It took about 2 months of working with my new trainer Austin before I committed to changing my lifestyle. Honestly, it likely would have taken longer but an unexpected relocation back to CA dramatically increased my sense of urgency to be fit.
July 2021
August 2021
September 2021
October 2021
Reminder, I started counting macros in October and this jumpstarted the weight loss. I had been working out consistently for a few months but had not changed my diet. Food truly makes a difference.
November 2021
I vividly remember this shopping trip as it was the first time that I realized I was "small." It was also the first time I felt comfortable wearing a crop sweater. I bought those stupid pants because I was impressed that I could fit in them and have yet to actually wear them... lesson learned!
December 2021
January 2022
February 2022
I’ve been successful at feeling happy with my progress at each stage. I’ve had my “mean girl” moments looking back at various months telling myself I wasn’t fit but quickly shut that girl down. I am beautiful in every one of these photos. The difference today is that I am truly confident in any setting. I don't take 50 pictures to 'get a good one.' I don't think I look fat or blame the photographer for 'making me look bad.' I look at a picture and think "yep, that's me." I intentionally choose to not filter my photos or video (I may swipe to adjust color but working to avoid this completely). I've been accused of photoshopping my abs which will continue to be the greatest compliment ever as I have zero idea how to photoshop and it is simply a result of my consistency.
I am comfortable with the world seeing me as I am, filter-free. Of course I recognize that I could "look better" but I prefer to be real, flaws and all.
We have to choose to look in the mirror and love the person staring back at us. We can be kind or we can mentally break them down with negative thoughts.
All of my consistent new habits compounded over the past months to give me results that I had never dreamed were possible. I am so grateful that I have loved the woman looking back at me this whole time. While my physical appearance has changed, what I love most about me today is knowing that I am capable of anything that I want. I truly respect and appreciate the woman that I have become.
Up next: My first week of official prep! (if I survive...)
XOXO,
Bicep Blonde